| | smoky feelings....
Current mood:  mellow Hanging in Walcott with my old pals the Boruds. What a fantastic family. I have never once felt unaccepted or excluded. It seems to be one big, ball of love and acceptance over here. Watching Heather's parents with their first grandson, Brooks, is love. This child basks under the doting attention of grandparents, aunties, uncles, and even an ever present great aunt. It is simply lovely.
This scenario is very different than what my children experience when we visit my family. Because of that my heart wrenches ever so slightly thinking that my children are missing out.
Then my buddhist tendencies unwrap my twisted heart and soothe it with the thought that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, my children are surrounded by the people they need to be around, and that we all have very different karma that we are working on and through.
I have never had a cohesive and tight family. Parents divorced when I was three. My mom remarries a man who has two sons who are older than me and my sister when I am eight. Growing up my dad consistently found a new girlfriend every two years.
None of the details really matter anyway...my mom poured love into my sister and I. That is what is important.
Q and I are basically on the same parenting page, but when we do diverge, we can always come back to love. When Sylvan and I throw attitude around at each other I believe that the most important thing is to reconnect at the end. I let him know that even though I was showing a strong emotion there is nothing he can do in this world that would make me stop loving him. It is a constant process of finding the balance of the moment.
more later maybe... |
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