Friday, January 04, 2008

Friday, January 04, 2008

Isn’t it funny we can only feel the wind and not see it? Current mood: restless Today where I live it is supposedly the windiest day in a decade. Sylvan woke me up with his above insight about the wind. He then wondered where the birds go, particularly the hummingbirds. "I hope they are okay mama." No power and 6am. I am not ready for these lovely five year old thoughts. I am not ready to be on. I don't want to be a mom today. I struggle as the rain comes down in sheets and hits our flimsy single pane windows. We are reading "The Long Winter" by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Can you imagine being absolutely confined in a tiny, barely insulated wooden house with four children, empty cupboards, a lamp whose kerosene is running dangerously low, no more coal because the trains can't get through due to blizzard after blizzard, twisting hay to have something to burn to keep everyone from freezing to death in a god-only-knows-how-many-degrees-below-zero-not-counting-the-wind-chill blizzard? I grew up in North Dakota. The feeling of being trapped lives in me today. As a teenager in the winter my weekend plans were often disturbed by the wind and snow. I lived on a farm six miles away from a town with a population of 81. I was a half-an-hour away from Fargo and that is where I would usually have my sights set on going. My parents used the yard light of Nora Lutheran Church as the decision maker of whether I would be able to go out that night or have to stay home. It was about a quarter mile away and if the light was clear no problems. If it was even the tiniest bit blurred I could not go out. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Fucking blowing snow advisory every other day. It did not take much wind to kick up the snow and blur that light. I would lock myself in my room with the phone, smoke cigarrettes, bust out any stashes of any kind that I had, and listen to music. Wow...that's funny. That is exactly what I feel like doing right now. I am not trapped though. I just have to get us dressed in our rain gear and go blow around in the wind a little. Hope you are lovin' your weather wherever you are. Much love, gk